Today when Dave wakes up there is a wahoo standing in Dave's bedroom. Dave is unsure why there is a wahoo in his room.
"get out of my room you wahoo!" says Dave.
"make me!" says the wahoo
"I'll make my cows come after you if you don't leave my room right now!" replies Dave
"I'll eat your cows before they touch me foo!" says the wahoo
"I'll beat you over the head with a homemade fencepost if you don't leave!" says Dave (Dave is starting to get annoyed at this point)
"Homemade fencepost? I'll beat you over the head with a real fence post!" replies the wahoo
"Well do your fenceposts always carry around sharp objects for purposes left unknown?" asks Dave
"Huh? your just as much of a wahoo as I am!" replies the wahoo
"I'm no wahoo foo!" says Dave
"neither am I!" replies the wahoo
"well then what are you?" asks Dave
"I am a salesman for wahooalert 4000" says the wahoo
"Now that was just a test to see how prepared you are for wahoos. I am not really a wahoo, but if I was a wahoo you might be dead right now. Wahoos are a dangerous problem in todays economy, and you should be prepared. With wahooalert 4000 you can easily kill off any wahoos nearby with its taser bomb. When you go to bed you just arm the machine with the big red shiny button and you can sleep at peace knowing that if any wahoo comes he will be executed on the spot. The wahoo machine also comes with a wahoo cremater to cremate the dead wahoo and send his ashes to his family. And that's not all of the dealio.. When you buy the wahooaloert 4000 you get 5 whole paper towel squares made of super absorbent paper for free free free! And that's not all.. when you buy the wahooalert 4000 you get 10 whole paper towel squares for no money money money! This is a deal no one can refuse! for only 421 easy payments of $342 you can get the wahoo alert and 10 paper towel squares!!! This machine is worth over $1000 and you only have to pay $340 a few times!!! What do you say? Do you want to buy the wahooalert 4000???"
Dave immediately signs up. "soo, is this my wahooalert 4000 here?" asks Dave, looking at the machine. "yes of course" answers the salesman. Dave is very happy to get this wonderful opportunity. The salesman leaves Dave's house. Right after the salesman leaves a wahoo comes running in the door screaming nonsense and tom-foolery. Dave presses the big shiny red button. The machine makes a funny sound and a 150 cal machine gun pops out of the top and proceeds to empty 200 rounds into the wahoo. Then the machine makes another funny sound and a nuclear powered flamethrower pops out of the left side and melts the little bit left of the wahoo. Then the machine makes another funny sound and wheels pop out and transport the wahooalert 4000 over to the wahoo and vacuums him up. Just then the wahoos crazy mother in law comes in the door but the wahooalert 4000 grows legs and runs over and karate kicks her back out the door following her with a rocked propelled grenade shooting out of the wahooalerts sole. Dave is very impressed. That day Dave arrives late for work but he has lots of fun telling all his friends about his wahooalert 4000 and all the wahoos he had met. There was a new guy at work that day. He was a very suspicious character. Very suspicious indeed. Dave decides to tell him his address. Dave is safe because of his wahooalert 4000.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Dave is happy
Today when Dave wakes up he feels very happy indeed. Today is when Dave's cows are supposed to arrive in the mail. Dave can't wait for his cows. Dave's cows can't wait for Dave. Dave is very excited. Fortunately today was a Thursday, and Dave doesn't have to work on Thursdays, so Dave can focus all his energy on waiting and preparing for his cows. To start preparing for cows Dave decides to go visit Pecore on his cauliflower farm. When Dave arrives he finds Pecore hard at work tightening loose bolts on his automatic cauliflower picker. "ahh siete venuti a battere il mio panino con i nuovi fianchi in inverno!" Pecore says. "I love you too!" says Dave. "How do you take care of cows?" asks Dave. "Sono molto gravi semi di amore รจ una buona licenza" answers Pecore. "okeydokey I'll go try it" says Dave. Dave thinks that pecore used the words son, malt,gravy,semi, more,un-bun,and license. Dave decides that pecore must mean that when the cows have a son, Dave must not let him drink cows milk but only malted gravy and then when he is semi-grown give him more malted gravy. At this point Dave thinks he must un-bun the cow whatever that is supposed to mean, and apparently he needs a licence to do all these things. So Dave decides he must go get a licence to do these things. Dave decides to go to the farm store in town to get a FCMGAUB licence (Feed Cows Malted Gravy And Un Bun licence).
"(hick voice) Doo yoo heave eenie heffSeeEemJeeEhYooBee liseeanzes?" Dave asks.
"Do I have any what??", the cashier replies.
"FCMGAUB licenses." Dave answers.
"And what is that supposed to mean?" Asks the cashier.
"Well its a Feed Cows Malted Gravy And Un Bun licence" Answers Dave.
"Is this a joke?? I know for a fact that there is no such license as ridiculous as all that. You don't feed cows malted gravy!! I didn't even know malted gravy existed until you walked in here!! Whats your problem!?!" Furiously shouted the cashier
"Well I got my advice from a well educated cauliflower farmer" Answers Dave
"Your Stupid!!" yells the cashier
Dave quickly leaves with the cashier chasing him out. Dave thinks the cashier has a very bad temper. Now Dave does not know what to do since the farm store cashier did not have any of the FCMGAUB licenses. Dave decides to go home and search 'FCMGAUB license' on the Internet. The only thing that comes up is a useless blog about a guy named Dave who eats ham for breakfast. Weird. Now Dave is unsure that a FCMGAUB license is the best idea since the Internet did not think it existed. Dave decides that he should make a fence around his back yard so his cows wouldn''t run away. Dave decides to find a number of emo kids to make it out of. Dave goes downtown in search of emo kids and finds 128 volunteers. He makes them all cut their hair to make rope, and then have them all stand around the edge of his yard with all the rope tying them together. When there all done he gives each one a shiny coin from his basement. Dave then decides to set up his old telivision in the middle of his backyard so the fence can watch TV. Then there were a bunch of them who couldn't see the TV since it was only facing one way, Dave gave those ones a hug instead of TV. Then there was one fence post that was getting very angry, so dave put a box over it so the TV watcher wouldn't be distracted. After all Dave respected the TV watchers since Dave was a TV watcher himself. After his fence was built, Dave decides to go inside and watch TV himself. After a while it starts raining. Dave hears some moaning in the backyard. Dave thinks the experience will build character for the fence posts. After a while a big truck comes down the road. The big truck stops at Dave's house. Dave is very
excited. Dave runs outside to greet some hicks. They smell weird. The hicks give Dave 2 cows and Dave places them in their new home. At first the cows try to escape but the fence holds them in. After a while the cows break the TV. Dave is disappointed but it was only his old one, he has a better one in his living room. Dave decides to make a speech on character building for the fence posts. The posts where the cows tried to escape did not agree with the speech. After a while it gets dark. Dave wonders if all this trouble is worth it just for some cows. Dave thinks its worth it when he remembered the amazing deal he got on them. 2 for the price of 1! After a while Dave goes to bed hoping everything will be okay through the night. Hoping.
"(hick voice) Doo yoo heave eenie heffSeeEemJeeEhYooBee liseeanzes?" Dave asks.
"Do I have any what??", the cashier replies.
"FCMGAUB licenses." Dave answers.
"And what is that supposed to mean?" Asks the cashier.
"Well its a Feed Cows Malted Gravy And Un Bun licence" Answers Dave.
"Is this a joke?? I know for a fact that there is no such license as ridiculous as all that. You don't feed cows malted gravy!! I didn't even know malted gravy existed until you walked in here!! Whats your problem!?!" Furiously shouted the cashier
"Well I got my advice from a well educated cauliflower farmer" Answers Dave
"Your Stupid!!" yells the cashier
Dave quickly leaves with the cashier chasing him out. Dave thinks the cashier has a very bad temper. Now Dave does not know what to do since the farm store cashier did not have any of the FCMGAUB licenses. Dave decides to go home and search 'FCMGAUB license' on the Internet. The only thing that comes up is a useless blog about a guy named Dave who eats ham for breakfast. Weird. Now Dave is unsure that a FCMGAUB license is the best idea since the Internet did not think it existed. Dave decides that he should make a fence around his back yard so his cows wouldn''t run away. Dave decides to find a number of emo kids to make it out of. Dave goes downtown in search of emo kids and finds 128 volunteers. He makes them all cut their hair to make rope, and then have them all stand around the edge of his yard with all the rope tying them together. When there all done he gives each one a shiny coin from his basement. Dave then decides to set up his old telivision in the middle of his backyard so the fence can watch TV. Then there were a bunch of them who couldn't see the TV since it was only facing one way, Dave gave those ones a hug instead of TV. Then there was one fence post that was getting very angry, so dave put a box over it so the TV watcher wouldn't be distracted. After all Dave respected the TV watchers since Dave was a TV watcher himself. After his fence was built, Dave decides to go inside and watch TV himself. After a while it starts raining. Dave hears some moaning in the backyard. Dave thinks the experience will build character for the fence posts. After a while a big truck comes down the road. The big truck stops at Dave's house. Dave is very
excited. Dave runs outside to greet some hicks. They smell weird. The hicks give Dave 2 cows and Dave places them in their new home. At first the cows try to escape but the fence holds them in. After a while the cows break the TV. Dave is disappointed but it was only his old one, he has a better one in his living room. Dave decides to make a speech on character building for the fence posts. The posts where the cows tried to escape did not agree with the speech. After a while it gets dark. Dave wonders if all this trouble is worth it just for some cows. Dave thinks its worth it when he remembered the amazing deal he got on them. 2 for the price of 1! After a while Dave goes to bed hoping everything will be okay through the night. Hoping.
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