Dave goes on a trip

Today Dave wants to go for a trip. Dave does not know where he wants to go but he know he wants to go somewhere. Dave decides he wants to see gremlins. On the television Dave has seen gremlins. The gremlins were a yellow color of blue. Dave looks about. He looks here. He looks there. Dave finds a globe in the cheese grater. Dave looks at the globe, spins it around fast and stops it suddenly by stabbing it with a +----->- shaped thing. The stabulator lands right on Mexico city. Mexico city is Dave's favorite city. Dave's parents live in Mexico city and he has never been there. Dave decides he wants to go to Switzerland. There are Swiss people in Switzerland.
Right then there was a knock on the door.
"hello Dave" says a suspiciously ridiculously mysteriously voice
"I am Alex Trebek" says the voice
"hello Alex Trebek" says Dave
"Do you want to be on my show Dave? Do you want to be on Jeopardy!" says Alex
"NO WAY!" says Dave
"I need to go to Switzerland to meet some Swiss people"
"oh, OK" Alex sad fully responds
Alex leaves Dave's house and Dave never sees him again. Dave's neighbor wants his salad. But Dave likes his salad. Dave's neighbor gets shot by the Swiss Army while they were making a delivery. Dave decides to take the opportunity and sneak aboard the Swiss Army's Raumschiff
before they teleport back to Sweden. When they arrive in Switzerland Dave flees to the Swiss countryside with his Swiss army schwert. Dave frolics through hills and plains and valleys and meadows and streams and rivers and lakes and wasserrauschens and kartoffel-höfes and esel beckens and kaninchen kots. Dave finds a house in the middle of a vast plain of green blue-grass. In the house there is a huge man with fruit of the loom underwear on.
"Vhat are yhou doing in ma hooose!!" the large man with fruit of the loom underwear hollered
"I was just frolicking by" said Dave
"Well Frolic your way out of my life dude" Said the graham cracker most sinfully
"Whoa fella your Graham cracker is dissin me dude" said Dave to the Large man.
"I'lla Shoot YOU Foo!" Screamed the Black man who just pranced in
"What the heck yo!" said Dave most peacefully
The light coming from the horse gargled most profanely in Dave's direction.
"I Am leaving and I'm NEVER coming back ya hear!" said Dave quite inquisitively
Dave leaves the house very feeling very blustered and felittled. Dave decides to visit Istanbul, the capital, while he was in Sweden. Dave finds a Vespa with a lady on it and Dave begrüßens the lady and takes the vespa for himself. Dave drives the Vespa to Istanbul and 42 poor people that smell like greasy peppermints use his vehicle as a taxi cab. After a day Dave is tired of all the poor people and he abandons his Vespa. Just then Dave looks at a map and discovers that Istanbul is not in Switzerland, but in Turkey.
"I like Turkey" says Dave to the Russians
"Он похож на желтую утку" says the Russians most mafialiciously
"Greenwich is my favorite sandwich" replies Dave
The Russian mafia then proceeds to knock Dave unconscious. The Russians take Dave into their automobile and then drive to Cowmoss.